November 14, 2005Feature
Sitting Shiva for Great Comedy
The SMRT-TV Staff mourns the loss of Arrested Development
For the love of GOB, Fox, don't let Arrested Development go prematurely into the light. The show is far and away the funniest and classiest half-hour currently on network TV and its passing would leave a void that may be impossible to fill. In a sitcom landscape that is littered with laugh tracks and telegraphed punchlines, AD dares to go beyond the expected. Arrested Development is like a beautiful, razor-sharp rainbow, and we all know that a rainbow without all the pretty colors is just a frown.
Though there is much sadness in the premature passing of our beloved Arrested Development, now is not a time for tears. For we were blessed with its heavenly presense on Earth for lo these last two years. And like a baby diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome, not given long for this world, Arrested Development has been our little miracle, putting up a fight for longer than any thought possible. But now, sweet child, you can stop fighting and rest your eyes, knowing that you're headed for a better place... a place where you can frolic with Andy Richter Controls the Universe and Undeclared and Futurama; a place without Nielsen families. So, no, there are no tears for Arrested Development. Only those of us who are left in a world where Desperate Housewives passes for comedy.
Fare ye well, Best Show on Television. I will miss you. Fortunately, your ever-loving, warming glow can live on through magical DVD. However, that won't change the fact that your dismissal has left me cold and dead inside. Well, partially because of your dismissal...
There is enough blame to go around for the cancellation and lord knows we (people of common sense and good taste) love to shred FOX at every turn. But not now. Not at this time. This is a time for grieving. Set the anger aside for a moment and reflect on your fond memories of G.O.B. tearing ass across town on his Segue, Tobias' not-so-accidental misunderstandings with homosexuality, and Super Dave Osbourne's immortal cameo as the Surrogate. I love this show. I will always love it. Only the good die young and now, much like River Phoenix's cold, dead body, the Bluths will be crystalized in greatness.*
This post for British Eyes Only.
*Note: River Phoenix's corpse isn't all that great. R.I.P.
A prayer to Rao, great god of Krypton:
Oh, merciful Rao, who sent his greatest son to us,
to defeat the evil Lex Luthor in all his nefarious schemes,
I beg you, oh lord, please gaze upon the most nefarious scheme of all --
the removal of quality writing, of good acting, of laughter and mirth
from the barren landscape of television.
The antidote to this evil, this evil more dire than Brainiac, more sinister than Toyman,
more sinful and stupid than Bizarro himself,
rests in the hands of Fox, the slothful giant.
Please grant him wisdom, Rao.
Please grant him foresight, and mirth,
and the capacity to be awed
by the beautiful convergence of television talent.
Barring all this, Rao,
just send the last son of Krypton,
to smite our enemies with laser viion.
In your name we pray. Amen.
I'd like to take a minute to pay my final respects to Arrested Development, the astoundingly funny and well-crafted little show that was adored by myself and apparently only everyone else I know. I guess it can't be argued that FOX never gave it a chance. Two and a half seasons is a long time for a show that allegedly no one watched. I suppose David Cross will be moving back to NY now. Farewell, Bluth family. We'll always have the DVDs.
Now I sit me down to watch
What makes me tingle in my crotch
But since the season's trimmed and all
I'm only feeling my left ball.
I pray to Buddha, Christ and Zeus
To show more stories of the Bluths
And if you bring my Liza back,
I promise I'll stop doing crack.
(As long as she does.)
Liz Shannon Miller
I'm not the praying type — a secular upbringing makes me pretty bad at this sort of thing. And I understand that you aren't supposed to just pray for sunshine, rainbows, and death unto your enemies. But seriously, God? Maybe you could do me this one thing, and bring back Arrested Development in some form. Or, you know, a pony. Equally likely, and equally as nice.
Please don't let my fellow SMRT-TVers tear me limb from limb because I've never seen this show. I think making sure it doesn't get cancelled could help significantly.
M. Brianna Stallings
Deity or deities, please see it in your infinite wisdom to let us lowly mortals retain Arrested Development. It has been proven that people need laughter. It has also been prven that people need their deities less than ever. Do what's right by us TV junkies, and we just might see fit to give you our firstborn someday.
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